I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
