I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
