One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Pants are for mortals
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