She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
