I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
