i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
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