Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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