you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
