My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
