is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
being pregnant is like rehab
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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