i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
