I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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