You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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