and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize