every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
