I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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