Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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