How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
