The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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