you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
