Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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