Sponge bath it is.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
