dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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