porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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