i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
