Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
