Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
