i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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