She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
