I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
