if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
