we have officially lost it.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
