We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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