I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize