yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
