Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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