The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
