what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Randomize
