why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Farmville is her only friend.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
