Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
