There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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