the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
