Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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