Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
