I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
