he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
