I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
