So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
