brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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