btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Moan for me like Helen Keller
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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