saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
