she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You're like the curious george of whores
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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