I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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