Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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