Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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