Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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