so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
