So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
